lunanonymous

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Day Eight- A Long Way to Go and Only Wearing a Fake Tan Oh, the things I love to look back on while looking at the open road. Specifically this time I remember Paul fiddling with the stereo in his car. He magically pulled out a tightly rolled joint and perfectly placed it in his dry mouth. He kept it there while putting the stereo back in its place and finding a lighter…even muttered a few words to me in between. This look is something comforting, almost father-like. He was driving me out of the prison that is my school and to the beach to meet Taylor. I was skipping my last hour. There’s not much more to say about this memory, and if I do I fear I’ll ruin it. It’s just something simple that I liked.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My mother has gotten a spray tan or a fake tan or has been in a goddamn tanning booth. Her skin is that of an orange peel…or a caramelized seal. I can’t begin to tell you the disgust I have for gaudy, distasteful middle-aged women like my mother. 

Day Eight- A Long Way to Go and Only Wearing a Fake Tan

Oh, the things I love to look back on while looking at the open road. Specifically this time I remember Paul fiddling with the stereo in his car. He magically pulled out a tightly rolled joint and perfectly placed it in his dry mouth. He kept it there while putting the stereo back in its place and finding a lighter…even muttered a few words to me in between. This look is something comforting, almost father-like. He was driving me out of the prison that is my school and to the beach to meet Taylor. I was skipping my last hour. There’s not much more to say about this memory, and if I do I fear I’ll ruin it. It’s just something simple that I liked. 

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My mother has gotten a spray tan or a fake tan or has been in a goddamn tanning booth. Her skin is that of an orange peel…or a caramelized seal. I can’t begin to tell you the disgust I have for gaudy, distasteful middle-aged women like my mother. 

(via joseph-voyage)

Day Seven- Tomorrow Will be Time to Sleep I’m the drum for your bad jokes. For every corny joke, it’s some sarcastic trait I’ve taken up. Raven and I discussed multiple personalities today. She’s got about four, and two of them have names…Lola and Emily. I’ve heard her talk about Lola before but Emily sounds like she could be fake. Well, none of it’s real anyways. It’s just your brain sectioning itself off. It’s a strange thing to discuss. I’ve been feeling strange ever since I finished watching The Virgin Suicides a couple days ago. I can’t seem to be creative with my writing today. I’ll take it as a sign to logout. 

Day Seven- Tomorrow Will be Time to Sleep

I’m the drum for your bad jokes. For every corny joke, it’s some sarcastic trait I’ve taken up. Raven and I discussed multiple personalities today. She’s got about four, and two of them have names…Lola and Emily. I’ve heard her talk about Lola before but Emily sounds like she could be fake. Well, none of it’s real anyways. It’s just your brain sectioning itself off. It’s a strange thing to discuss. I’ve been feeling strange ever since I finished watching The Virgin Suicides a couple days ago. I can’t seem to be creative with my writing today. I’ll take it as a sign to logout. 

(Source: lilishonie, via angelicafrancesca)

Day 6- Go Away Nightmares, Come Here Come Here My mantra will remain: stay human. Just be human. No, this has nothing to do with your need to kick in the temples and bleed in the colors. This just has to do with my generated feelings from the past couple of days. There are things that I think before I fall asleep that I need to write down but I’m sure I’ll remember (I don’t). And I’m almost positive we all do this. It’s when we’re the most creative, and the most reluctant to pick up a pen and turn on the light.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I notice my thoughts flicker back to Paul every other second. It’s pointless though, because like me, his thoughts flicker to his love every other second- drugs. There are two things I am sure of his feeling about: love for drugs, hate for father. It’s really that simple. He is really that simple. Yet so complex, if you make him. That’s the fun of Paul. He’ll mold right into your thoughts like a baby in a cradle…and the more you rock that cradle, the more of a trance you’re boiled into. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aaron has drifted from me. It feels strange. Maybe he’ll snap out of it. Maybe I’ll snap out of it. I’m becoming quite close with a girl named Sam. Sam is gorgeous. We have the same zodiac sign and we have the same __________thoughts, sometimes. And speaking of thoughts, my thoughts have been off-beat. This is not out of the normal, though. I’ve just been bouncing around the future and fighting myself. It’s draining. I’m my own worst enemy. 

Day 6- Go Away Nightmares, Come Here Come Here

My mantra will remain: stay human. Just be human. No, this has nothing to do with your need to kick in the temples and bleed in the colors. This just has to do with my generated feelings from the past couple of days. There are things that I think before I fall asleep that I need to write down but I’m sure I’ll remember (I don’t). And I’m almost positive we all do this. It’s when we’re the most creative, and the most reluctant to pick up a pen and turn on the light. 

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I notice my thoughts flicker back to Paul every other second. It’s pointless though, because like me, his thoughts flicker to his love every other second- drugs. There are two things I am sure of his feeling about: love for drugs, hate for father. It’s really that simple. He is really that simple. Yet so complex, if you make him. That’s the fun of Paul. He’ll mold right into your thoughts like a baby in a cradle…and the more you rock that cradle, the more of a trance you’re boiled into.

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Aaron has drifted from me. It feels strange. Maybe he’ll snap out of it. Maybe I’ll snap out of it. I’m becoming quite close with a girl named Sam. Sam is gorgeous. We have the same zodiac sign and we have the same __________thoughts, sometimes. And speaking of thoughts, my thoughts have been off-beat. This is not out of the normal, though. I’ve just been bouncing around the future and fighting myself. It’s draining.

I’m my own worst enemy. 

(via joseph-voyage)

Day Five- Guilty Pink and Popped Balloons I drove all over town today, and even got a car wash. Penelope and I went shopping and there were some nice sales going on. The day was good until it turned to night. Fuck everyone. That is all I can honestly think to say. Maybe I’m being a whiney brat, but Bella lives one mile away and if we don’t want to do anything, we won’t. But we’ll do nothing together. Nothing is simple. Nothing is easy for two. I remember blasting Blue Sunday by the Doors on my car ride home. There are a lot of people who don’t seem to appreciate or enjoy that song too much. But it holds a lot of meaning for me and never ceases to raise goosebumps on my arms and legs. It can even bring a tear or two. It’s sort of pathetic, but the memory there….the meaning, is from the time it was blasted in a car the morning after I lost my virginity to Paul.

Day Five- Guilty Pink and Popped Balloons

I drove all over town today, and even got a car wash. Penelope and I went shopping and there were some nice sales going on. The day was good until it turned to night. Fuck everyone. That is all I can honestly think to say. Maybe I’m being a whiney brat, but Bella lives one mile away and if we don’t want to do anything, we won’t. But we’ll do nothing together. Nothing is simple. Nothing is easy for two.

I remember blasting Blue Sunday by the Doors on my car ride home. There are a lot of people who don’t seem to appreciate or enjoy that song too much. But it holds a lot of meaning for me and never ceases to raise goosebumps on my arms and legs. It can even bring a tear or two. It’s sort of pathetic, but the memory there….the meaning, is from the time it was blasted in a car the morning after I lost my virginity to Paul.

(Source: satanasa, via notzoey)

Day four-Metallic Idioms (Last night) Just as I was about to doze off, just as I was slipping into sleep, I was jolted awake with a pulsating pain that felt like I’d beed electrocuted. I even tasted copper in my mouth. I think the best I could describe it would be chewing aluminum foil (which causes that sharp pain), and that it was vibrating. I think I also know now what ‘seeing your life flash before your eyes’ really feels like; my thoughts were being sorted in such a way that all at once I could feel and see them in my head. This phenomenon left me so fatigued the next day. My dad joked that I had come across cryptonite and am now a superhero, or that it must’ve been the ketchup from my burger….very cute. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everyone always tries to fool me saying “you have a spider on your back!”, when I’m wearing my ski jacket (there’s a small spider embroidered on the back). This is quite an insignificant thought, but it pops up in my head because it reminds me of how people always make puns off of my name. Oh no, no, I haven’t heard that one before, how original.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It is quite a strange feeling when people mimic your lips and even sometimes whisper the same words as your talking, as if they’re trying really hard to hear what exactly you are saying. 

Day four-Metallic Idioms

(Last night) Just as I was about to doze off, just as I was slipping into sleep, I was jolted awake with a pulsating pain that felt like I’d beed electrocuted. I even tasted copper in my mouth. I think the best I could describe it would be chewing aluminum foil (which causes that sharp pain), and that it was vibrating. I think I also know now what ‘seeing your life flash before your eyes’ really feels like; my thoughts were being sorted in such a way that all at once I could feel and see them in my head. This phenomenon left me so fatigued the next day. My dad joked that I had come across cryptonite and am now a superhero, or that it must’ve been the ketchup from my burger….very cute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone always tries to fool me saying “you have a spider on your back!”, when I’m wearing my ski jacket (there’s a small spider embroidered on the back). This is quite an insignificant thought, but it pops up in my head because it reminds me of how people always make puns off of my name. Oh no, no, I haven’t heard that one before, how original. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is quite a strange feeling when people mimic your lips and even sometimes whisper the same words as your talking, as if they’re trying really hard to hear what exactly you are saying. 

(Source: aliulrichcouture, via waasi)

Day 3 - Molted Flashbacks Ahhhh….a call from the two notorious suck-the-life-out-of-you sisters, Kinsey and Katherine. They wanted a ride to school and rang me in the ripe hour of my awakening; aka too late of a notice, this can’t be my problem. Katherine models for me, is quite humorous, and we get along…so she’s bearable. However, Kinsey is one to ask herself “What can I get out of this? What’s in it for me?” for every single situation she’s in. The puts-herself-first kinda gal. It’s quite draining. Our relationship kind of burnt out after it went from helping her learn french, to doing her french with her next to me, to doing her french while she went out and partied. Not cool. Refer back to the pushover thing from yesterday.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flashbacks hurt. Especially when you felt so good in that past moment. But I don’t think I want to go into detail just now…it’ll hurt too much.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My dad had a gig last night so Bella came over and we watched the Runaways (we wish we could be something like them). When you find someone like Bella, someone so akin to yourself, it momentarily erases the bruises from those relentless flashbacks. We sat outside on the back porch and I read to her while she smoked.  People are always so curious if we get sick of each other and have to take breaks. But the truth is, we need to hang out or talk every day. If we don’t hang, we’ll be texting nonstop…maybe even throw in a phone call before bed. If we get in an argument, we stay quiet for a little but still need each other’s presence. We’ve got a pretty rare relationship, I’d say. But it’s stronger than steel and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some think it’s unhealthy, but if we’re not together, we get really depressed. And depression is almost more unhealthy than an overstimulating friendship.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I think I’m fine with being somewhat of a Plain Jane eater. I have a weekly routine consisting of Chinese, Mexican, and Italian which are all predictable and safe. I just don’t see how someone could stomach cow tongue or lobster brains. Hey, maybe I’m missing out, to each his own.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Numbers lend their names to so many different things. I wonder what it feels like to be spread so thin. My fingers intertwined each other during English, and this shoots me to a time in Brad’s room. Paul and I were on the floor, Bella and Brad on the bed. We were watching Monty Python and out of nowhere, Paul grabbed my hand rather defiantly, and held it under his between us. Our fingers were locked and it felt like we were dating. I was blissfully confused and surprised. Also, I was a little nervous seeing as my hands could fill a bathtub with sweat in a matter of two minutes.  Anyways, being lost in this memory must have read all over my face, it actually makes me feel like I might puke. Next thing I know Aaron stands up and walks away as if my eyes were projectors and my memory was playing on the canvas in his mind.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Raven roped me in for the first time today. She’s actually not so bad. There is just some complication with Bella and Raven and Raven’s boyfriend, Josh. Josh and Bella were hooking up and Raven pulled the rug from under Bella’s feet, snatching Josh. Josh and Raven have now been dating for nine months. Bella’s a little cautious that she might be trying to snag me from her as well. Silly Bella, I’d never leave you for anyone or anything. So our first one-on-one: we talked about the hot fudge sunday feeling that rolling down the windows on a freezing day and blasting the heat encompasses. Or how birds nestle themselves in bushes before they die. And how snowflakes actually dread falling to the ground.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Today is Brad’s birthday. I really hope his day is amazing. He’s changed my mind completely. I used to think he was just a disgruntled misanthrope and I didn’t fancy being in his company too often. But since we had that discussion last friday night, things are different. I’ve opened my eyes. 

Day 3 - Molted Flashbacks

Ahhhh….a call from the two notorious suck-the-life-out-of-you sisters, Kinsey and Katherine. They wanted a ride to school and rang me in the ripe hour of my awakening; aka too late of a notice, this can’t be my problem. Katherine models for me, is quite humorous, and we get along…so she’s bearable. However, Kinsey is one to ask herself “What can I get out of this? What’s in it for me?” for every single situation she’s in. The puts-herself-first kinda gal. It’s quite draining. Our relationship kind of burnt out after it went from helping her learn french, to doing her french with her next to me, to doing her french while she went out and partied. Not cool. Refer back to the pushover thing from yesterday. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flashbacks hurt. Especially when you felt so good in that past moment. But I don’t think I want to go into detail just now…it’ll hurt too much. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dad had a gig last night so Bella came over and we watched the Runaways (we wish we could be something like them). When you find someone like Bella, someone so akin to yourself, it momentarily erases the bruises from those relentless flashbacks. We sat outside on the back porch and I read to her while she smoked. 
People are always so curious if we get sick of each other and have to take breaks. But the truth is, we need to hang out or talk every day. If we don’t hang, we’ll be texting nonstop…maybe even throw in a phone call before bed. If we get in an argument, we stay quiet for a little but still need each other’s presence. We’ve got a pretty rare relationship, I’d say. But it’s stronger than steel and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some think it’s unhealthy, but if we’re not together, we get really depressed. And depression is almost more unhealthy than an overstimulating friendship. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I’m fine with being somewhat of a Plain Jane eater. I have a weekly routine consisting of Chinese, Mexican, and Italian which are all predictable and safe. I just don’t see how someone could stomach cow tongue or lobster brains. Hey, maybe I’m missing out, to each his own. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Numbers lend their names to so many different things. I wonder what it feels like to be spread so thin.
My fingers intertwined each other during English, and this shoots me to a time in Brad’s room. Paul and I were on the floor, Bella and Brad on the bed. We were watching Monty Python and out of nowhere, Paul grabbed my hand rather defiantly, and held it under his between us. Our fingers were locked and it felt like we were dating. I was blissfully confused and surprised. Also, I was a little nervous seeing as my hands could fill a bathtub with sweat in a matter of two minutes. 
Anyways, being lost in this memory must have read all over my face, it actually makes me feel like I might puke. Next thing I know Aaron stands up and walks away as if my eyes were projectors and my memory was playing on the canvas in his mind. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven roped me in for the first time today. She’s actually not so bad.
There is just some complication with Bella and Raven and Raven’s boyfriend, Josh. Josh and Bella were hooking up and Raven pulled the rug from under Bella’s feet, snatching Josh. Josh and Raven have now been dating for nine months. Bella’s a little cautious that she might be trying to snag me from her as well. Silly Bella, I’d never leave you for anyone or anything.
So our first one-on-one: we talked about the hot fudge sunday feeling that rolling down the windows on a freezing day and blasting the heat encompasses. Or how birds nestle themselves in bushes before they die. And how snowflakes actually dread falling to the ground. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is Brad’s birthday. I really hope his day is amazing. He’s changed my mind completely. I used to think he was just a disgruntled misanthrope and I didn’t fancy being in his company too often. But since we had that discussion last friday night, things are different. I’ve opened my eyes. 

(Source: dolphantastic, via nothinghumanisalientome)